"where are you luckier days?"...

... sung to the tune of:  where are you Christmas?


I made it over half way through my lucky count down.  I had big plans of making a list of seven other lucky things to make up for my countdown-absence... perhaps even back-dating the posts to make my posterity believe I'm on the ball.

But let me be real and honest and instead say that ever since the leprechaun left I've felt a little unlucky.

May I share seven (plus) unlucky things that are sure to shoo people away from me, my house, and my food.  But sometimes honesty is the best policy.  Probably not right now.  But I feel less than lucky today and I want to write about it.

-SB got the flu last week.  Only we thought it was food poisoning.  It was AWFUL.  Sick as I've ever seen my SB.  I wasn't very sympathetic.  I sometimes lack sympathy for something less than a kid with cancer.  I don't mean to.  But I wasn't worried about it being contagious, it was a bad bid at McDonalds.  He forgot to bless it.  I knew it was the chicken sandwich that did him in.

-Until both of my kids got the pukes.  Then I wondered.  But being the brilliant medical professional I am I somehow thought they were poisoned too.  SB from Mickey D's chicken  and my kids from a little uncooked turkey dog.  It could happen in one week, three food poisonings in one family, right?

-So in the meantime I proceed to sanitize and make 20 eclairs for the float committee and 120 cupcakes for all of my co-workers.  I take the eclairs to the parade meeting.  I take cupcakes to the hospital.  Within 24 hours I, too, am feeling sick.  I panic.  I start to wonder if I could have passed anything on through my cooking.   I google everything about the stomach "flu" and passing it on.  I read somewhere that one of the most common ways it gets passed is through contaminated yet non-symptomatic food handlers. I was ready to quit my job.  Truly.  I knew the cupcakes weren't bad in and of themselves (trust me I don't do raw and I don't do old expiration dates).  But why oh why oh why was I so sure I wasn't sick and wasn't going to get sick?!

-I call to work, my bosses, my friends, trying to find out the damage.  Only 5 employees down so far.  I am talking (bawling) to SB.  He thinks 5 out of 120 aren't bad odds.  And how do I know it was the cupcakes, he says.  BECAUSE THEY ALL ATE ONE!    I was just trying to do something nice for the people I work with.  Why am I such an idiot.  Why did I admit to people I was sick?  Why I am I publicly broadcasting it now? IDK is the answer.  But be glad if you didn't eat my defiled pastries.  Be even more glad if you did eat them but haven't suffered from severe vomiting and diarrhea like the 5 or so reported cases.

-Whatever, I am trying to get on with my day because Little Louski has her doctor check up and I have a favor to ask of my pediatrician.  But I never do because she stripped off her (poopy) diaper and he kindly took it out of the room for me and when he got back he tried to check my son's ears for me even though it wasn't his appointment-- but my Bug threw a tantrum and gave Dr. J a punch or two and a swift kick in the pants before I could wrestle him (literally) into a complete hold.  Needless to say, I asked no other favors.

-I'm over this day.  I have heaps of laundry due to 4 sick people over the span of 6 days but turns out I just used the last of the detergent and my kids are napping so I can't go get more.  Moving on to the clean the DISGUSTING kitchen only to find the disposal doesn't work with all the rotting food in it.  Whatever, I will clean something else.

-But the Bug gets out of bed to show me a spider. It's a black widow in my house.  He wants to touch him.  I tell him I have to kill it or it will kill him.  He says, "hold me so the little widow spidow won't kill me."   I call and talk (bawl) to SB again.  Remember that farmer that always says "maybe" when someone says how lucky or unlucky something is.  (see a few posts ago).  SB is like that farmer.  He's sure this isn't all as unlucky as it seems.  I am not as convinced.

-So, after 45 minutes of convincing George he can't watch what I am going to do to the spider (I don't want him to attempt whatever it is I decide to do to the spider even though I haven't worked out my attack plan yet) and after 45 more minutes of deciding how to get rid of the spider without making it mad and risking a bite myself, I finally have the situation under control.

-But my house only more so feels creepy and repulsive to me.  But before I go do anything about it I decided to let you all know the truth.  Even the lucky get unlucky on occasion.

- I am sitting here in my messy kitchen, looking at a black widow in a mason jar, surfing the net and reading how to get rid of the whole species, smelling rotten food that needs to be disposed, but is too gross for me to manually get rid of it.  (a job for SB) thinking of (barfed on) laundry every place and dreading hearing of one more cupcake eater calling in sick to the PCMC.

-Oh, and did I mention my mom left her work sick today with the same signs and symptoms of the stomach flu?.  My dad is scheduled for surgery on Thursday and was worried about our visit this past weekend. So my mom is trying not to vomit in front of him.  Awesome.

-So, dear, sweet, Mr. Saint Patrick... where are you?  And may I come join you? I feel a little awful and might need an escape to Ireland or wherever it is you reside.

-And if you can't work that out, could you send a little good fortune back my way?  I was working on LUCKY stories this month.


and for any and all readers who at one time considered coming over to my house:  I plan to disinfect, bug bomb, exterminate, clean, dispose, and serve only processed untouched foods from now on.  I promise.  So I hope you'll still pay me a visit sometime.

That's all for today.  I hope.
-Leslie.